Thursday, February 08, 2007

So what is a parent to do? Aidan reported home on Monday that he hadn't been able to finish his lunch as he had been accosted by a "mean" boy in the bathroom who "double dog dared - which means you HAVE TO DO IT - to show him his privates" {privates = my term not his}. I wasn't quite sure how to receive this information. So... a pause... did you show him? "No" (Phew!). I told him I was glad he didn't do something he didn't think was tight and I was proud of him. I emailed his teacher Tuesday a.m. mentioning it - here is where I wasn't quite sure what I was "supposed" to do. I didn't really expect her to do anything - and Aidan didn't seem traumatized altho clearly it was important enough to him that he brought it up to me. I subsequently learned that he mentioned it to a buddy when he got back to the lunch table who said he knew "exactly who it was" as he had been mean to him the previous year (something to do with a stick). Turns out Aidan's teacher asked Aidan to identify the child (a 2nd grader) at lunch and he and his friend did and the other teacher and principal were notified and I understand that the parents are being notified. It seemed a bit much perhaps! I have been told that the boy has done something similar before and is ADHD (?) and on meds... not sure what being on meds has to do with this but teacher seemed to think that Dr should know about it in case a med change should be made (I can't imagine!). Aidan didn't appear to actual feel threatened although he also says the boy wasn't just joking around. Clearly all kids go through some sexual curiousity and I don't know if this fell into that catagory or bullying exactly. Pete felt I should have kept this info to myself. I asked Quincy's teacher (who I respect tremendously and who has been working with kinder age kids for over 20 years, has her masters and is teaching other teachers) what she (as a mother) would have done. She said she thought it was useful or important to pass along to the teacher so they can know about it and see if it is an isolated incident or more of a pattern or something that needs attention. Also that most importantly that I let Aidan know how proud I am of him doing the right thing and that he can get help if he needs help etc. I was really happy that Aidan felt he could tell us and even more that he didn't feel like he had to do something. I worry about him being suspect to peer pressure and making poor choices because of it. I don't worry about Quincy and peer pressure (we'll see if I'm right!). He is much more confident in and of himself. He is also much less concerned about right and wrong than his brother. So he may well decide to do the wrong thing - but it will be his decision not someone elses... He is happy to try to sneak candy or something like that - Aidan always asks (and points out when his brother hasn't!). I also can't imagine Quincy necessarily sharing the incident with me - in many ways he is much more private than his brother. Interesting how you can see all this at such young ages. We truly do have our personalities from birth IMO.

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